When trying to get past your emotional pain it is important to make an effort not to dwell on it overly. When you brood or ruminate on bad things in your life, you reinforce their consequences and essentially relive them over and over again. You end up in a vicious circle. It drains your mental energy and will literally “make you crazy”. It is important to try to learn how to stop brooding on bad things from your past. How do I do that, you may be asking?

The first step is to realize and understand that not everyone in your life will see the world the way you do. When you make a mistake it is understandable to think that everyone in the entire world knows about it. In point of fact, unless you tell them the chances are quite good that most people won’t. If you are knitting and you drop a stitch every time you look at your project that is all you see. But if you show it to someone else, the chances of them noticing are very small. If you can remember this, you will a lot less likely to focus on those mistakes you made. Try to remember that everyone makes mistakes, too. That is how we learn. Remember when you are brooding on something from your past that most likely what you are focussing on and thinking about are the feelings the experience engendered in you. This is where positive thinking and gratitude come into play. If you can look at the experience in a positive way and be grateful for what it taught you, you will be able to move away from brooding about. Remember that brooding about something does not change what happened. Putting a positive look on it and being grateful for what it taught you enables you to avoid making the same mistake in the future.

Negative reactions to failure

When we perceive that we have failed at something what is the biggest issue around that for most people? It is a “loss of face”.

Face is an Asian concept but Westerners feel it too. When we “fail” at something we are usually embarrassed. We want to hide it and turn away from it. But if you ask entrepreneurs what their biggest failures taught them they will have varied and surprising answers for you, some of which you probably never considered. Every experience is a learning experience. It is up to you to take in the lesson.

Work on building your self-esteem

Having low self-esteem will kill you either emotionally, spiritually or physically. One way or another it will get you eventually. It will sap your physical energy so that you avoid exercising. Or it will sap your emotional energy so that you isolate yourself. Studies show that isolation is worse than obesity for people. Building self-esteem is like building a muscle. It takes practice. It doesn’t happen overnight. You have to work at it but the payoffs are enormous. People with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are especially prone to poor self-esteem. It isn’t easy to boost your self-esteem but it is possible. I can help you learn how to do that.