From Chaos to Champion Through DBT

The biggest lesson I learned was Be Careful What You Wish For. I learned this in September 2005 after I took a near-fatal overdose. You see my husband had been dying very slowly of lung cancer. My world was coming unglued completely and my BPD was triggered massively because of the impending death. I was finally being abandoned in the worst way but in point of fact it was not because he was leaving ME but because he had no choice. Still, I couldn’t handle it at all. I became very depressed and just dissociated completely. I wanted to die first so I wouldn’t be left behind to pick up the pieces of my life.

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Do you really want to run away?

I see the sentiment “I just want to run away” in the various BPD groups to which I belong. Oh,yeah, I totally get it. I spent years trying to “run away” from my life and myself, my fears and anxieties. When I couldn’t run away physically, I would do it emotionally through distance, dissociation and suicide attempts. I would feel frantic by my situation, trapped, hopeless and helpless and wanted nothing

more than to get away from it -- all the pain and anguish and just down-right suffering.

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How the Check The Facts DBT skill keeps you out of emotional trouble

Most of us with BPD can relate to this: you are out with a friend and she says something about your hairstyle which insults you and before you know it, you are off to the races, loaded for bear. One thing leads to another and in no time at all the friendship has blown up in your face and she goes from being a friend and close confidante to a sworn enemy. You are left bewildered and wondering, “How in the world did this happen?”

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Why a BPD Diagnosis is so Stigmatizing

Many of us find ourselves receiving a BPD diagnosis following a hospitalization because of a suicide attempt. In most cases, the diagnosis won’t be troublesome until we go searching for a psychiatrist. Often when the new psychiatrist reads through the chart we soon discover that we have become radioactive. Sometimes the new psychiatrist will refuse to take on a new BPD patient entirely or give the patient so many conditions for treatment that the chances of forming a therapeutic alliance are next to nil. Why is this the case?

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Living in an emotional wasteland because of my BPD

Almost all my life I lived in an emotional wasteland. By that I mean I had virtually no emotional intimacy with anyone: not my parents,  not my sibling, not my husband or my friends or my children. I lived a life of emotional solitary confinement because I never trusted anyone enough to let them get close to me. When anyone tried to get close I would push them away with such force that they would turn and run for the hills and never come back.

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The Almost Unbearable Loneliness of BPD

I have very few friends anymore because over the course of the years of my mental illness, I chased almost all of them away. I woke up one day and realized just what a solitary existence I was living and how lonely I had become. My husband died some years ago and my children all left home to go to university in another town. Because the town where I live and where they grew up is quite small, they all resolved to never return. So, it is just me and the dog now.

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