People learn from a very early age that life has many ups and downs. Feeling physical pain is unavoidable. So, is emotional pain. The problem for people with BPD is that we get stuck in our emotional pain and like a person who is drowning, don’t know how to rescue ourselves. When you experience emotional trauma such as abandonment, rejection or profound failure it can be extremely difficult to recover.Read More
People with Borderline Personality Disorder often get very caught up in past events. They ruminate over all the people who abandoned them or didn’t love them the way they wanted to and needed to be loved. They are constantly in “what if” mode. They will replay old scenarios of defeat or even their victories but not be able to truly savour the feelings engendered by their victory. Similarly, they also tend to live in the future, playing out fantasies of how might turn out for them in the future. Both of these behaviours are maladaptive and counterproductive for someone who wants to live a healthy, happy life.Read More
About five years ago I sent an email to a good friend of mine in which I complained about something pretty trivial. I was astounded when I received her response.
“I don’t understand you. Why are you always so unhappy and miserable? You have more financial security than many people I know, you have children who love and adore you and you are multi-talented. Get over yourself already,” she wrote.Read More
When you actually sit down and think about it, borderline rage is driven by fear and anxiety. Fear and anxiety about being abandoned by those we love.Fear and anxiety about being hurt again. Fear and anxiety about not being able to control one’s own environment and the relationships in which we are engaged.
Learning how to recognize the triggers and set up new coRead More
My father was a harsh man. He said very little, never gave compliments or praise but was always quick with a rebuke or a critique. He was of Japanese descent, you see and that is what he learned from his own parents. I grew up in fear of him, his scowling face and hand that was always so quick to reach out and slap my face for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I lived in a world of silence because of that hand. His cultural heritage dictated his parenting style.
I wanted a very different father than the one I had.Read More
If you have BPD chances are you wrestle with this question a lot. Figuring out who you are can be a major hurdle for many people whether they have BPD or not. But for those of us with BPD, this is something that literally quite often stops us right in our tracks. I say all this while knowing full well that a true BPD recovery depends on knowing who you are. In my opinion, people who do not have a good handle on who they are become people pleasers and drift along aimlessly through life. When I used to think about who I was and try to figure it out I always used to get tripped up by this, would get lost in a circle of existential thinking about such things as “What is my purpose in life?” “Where am I going?” and “What is the role of God play in this mess?”Read More