The best defense is a good offense, or is it?

 

My Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) always made the world feel like a very scary place. It was hard for me to distinguish between whether or not people were really interested in me or simply taking advantage of me. I felt like I was exploited a lot of the time so I lived in a constant state of fight or flight. I was always so angry and would storm out of the room at the drop of a hat. Always abruptly ending relationships. I had a long history of broken relationships and destroyed friendships in my past. I was constantly living in what I came to call “The Best Defense is a Good Offense” mode. What exactly is this?

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How Do You Build Self-Esteem?

Most people with BPD have very low self-esteem. This is because they have grown up in toxic environments where they have been told they are stupid or ugly or fat or hopeless all their lives.  It is a huge stumbling block for most of us because we were not taught how to value ourselves and celebrate the things which we are good at.

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Want Versus Need

Wants. We all have them. Some of us REALLY have them. What to do when your wants are so many and you can’t fulfill them and are just terribly frustrated by that?

After my husband died about 12 years ago I spent the first five years looking at my marriage and taking it apart, dissecting trying to unravel all the broken pieces of it and where they came from. It was very long and painful process but it taught me a lot. The main thing it taught me was that I had to change. I came to realize that I had spent the years of my marriage trying to change HIM when I was the one who needed to change. I had to learn how to love myself in a way I never had. I had to stop looking for someone else to fix me. But that epiphany did not happen overnight. That painful part of the process took time to get to.

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The Roles Families Play

f you grew up in a dysfunctional family you probably have a good idea what I mean when I write about the roles family members play. Every family has them. It’s just that in a dysfunctional family, they call the shots and determine the outcome of the player’s lives in a way that doesn’t happen in a “normal” family. Dysfunctional families evolve because one or more of the significant members are dishonest in how they express themselves. They lack effective communication skills and usually lack effective coping mechanisms. The family unit evolves in such a way as to “protect” those people from having to learn how to express themselves honestly.

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BPD and Acquisition

I remember one therapy session from when I was an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital about thirty years ago like it just happened yesterday. We were talking about the way I liked to acquire things and spend money. It is important to know that money was in very short supply in my household and my compulsive shopping had gotten my husband and me into a significant amount of credit card debt.

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How to Survive Christmas If You Live With Borderline Personality Disorder

“What’s the matter with you? It’s Christmas!”

Heard that one a few too many times? What do you do if you just can’t get into the Christmas spirit because of your borderline personality disorder (BPD)? That’s a big problem for many people. Christmas is a loaded holiday because everyone around you is happy, happy, happy. And there you are and you’re not happy. Big problem.

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